Day 10 This has been one of the most significant days we’ve experienced. Nothing in my life could ever prepare me for this experience. We’ve been on a roller coaster ride of raw, emotion; everything from sheer terror to profound sadness; fleeting moments of peace and the darkest of depression. Over the last few days it seems that one bad report after another has us driven to the brink. Sis couldn’t sleep and was gradually slipping into depression and anxiiety to the point of uncontrolled panic attacks. When she woke up this morning after finally being able to get a couple of hours of fitful sleep she felt like she had a fever. I called doctor Church and she worked us in to her schedule. I will always be thankful to doctor Church. She checked Sis over and felt like, under the circumstances, she should be on an antibiotic in case there was some kind of bacterial infection. She said she had been seeing those in the last 48 hours. We went to grab a bite before we had to be at the hospital for the first radiation treatment. We ordered the most sensible healthy food we could that fit somewhere in the realm of nutrition that we’re in the process of adopting, and picked at it. Sis is really getting finicky about eating and I have to ride her about it, but I’m trying to be careful because she is getting more and more fragile. We arrive at the hospital a little early for our appointment. When I pull up to the gate I push the same button that I pushed to get in a couple of days ago ... nothing. I just sit there staring. There’s a keypad with numbers and there is obviously a code to get the gate open, but nobody ever told me about it. In frustation I just numbly punch the enter key over, and over. In a fit of anxiety I jump out of my car and run inside to get the number ... there’s nobody there. No one in sight. I go back out. Somebody has been kind enough to give Sis the access number as they were driving out of the lot. I punch in the code and dive in. In spite of the fact that there’s nobody inside there isn’t a single place to park. I circle around. When I reach the front again I stop the car and just sit there ... confused, I've never had such a hard time parking. Sis hops out and I go to park the car in the garage across the street. I’m really anxious about her being alone. I’ve got to get in there. When I get in there ... I can’t find her. She finally comes out of the bathroom. She’s holding up the best she can, but I can see she’s on the edge. We pass the time with a game of checkers, then the radiation doc comes out, we chat, he leaves, and Sis goes out for a sip of water. She told me later she had a panic attack. When she goes back for her treatment I go and bring the car to the lot out front. I can tell. It’s hard to get on top of this and stay there, but that’s what it’s gonna take. We’re pushing ahead the best we can. we have to constantly remind ourselves to fight. All through the evening we struggle to stay up. We try to think of ways to cope. Projects to keep busy with. The later into the night we go the worse it gets. Finally, while we’re trying to pray and read the bible we realize that God’s all we have. The only choice we have left. In a flurry we start concentrating on healing verses in the bible. As we dig deeper into it we start to get more peaceful. It’s subtle, but it’s there. It seems that every hope is being stripped away, but we’re finding a glimmer of peace. We’ve both believed in God’s healing for years, but now it’s in our face and daring us to believe it. I know a lot of these verses, and start downloading articles and messages from the internet. They come out of the printer in 4 or 5 page bunches, and in order to keep them organized for Sis I need to staple them together. We have a stapler but I can’t find it so I have to run down to Staples to get one. I race back home and begin furiously stapling and handing them to Sis. She’s committed to absorbing the Word regarding healing into her heart. This is intense and furious, but we really have no choice. After an hour or two of this we’ve worked ourselves into a state of peace. I believe this is the “peace of God that passes all understanding”. It’s the first time I can remeber my stomach calming down since this all started ten days ago. I have now lost about 15 pounds in the last ten days. We look for anything to celebrate. We’re both convinced more than ever that God is our only hope, but God is enough. We have his promise that, “by his stripes we are healed.” The heavenly peace is a welcome rest. We both try to work on the daily updates, and gloriously Sis drifts off to sleep. If God be for us, who can be against us. <back