Day 10 This was a day chok-full of emotional wavering. My symptoms have been increasing. J and I ran to my Doctor as I had a fever. I had an anxiety attack today at the Radiologist office that I am still reeling from. As I shake uncontrollably…I keep thinking what am I worried about? God is right here…….. but where exactly? All my senses seem to be heightened. If God would just come and hang with me….physically…. I hear these caregivers around me talking about Taco Bell or Shoney’s for dinner. They don’t even know I exist. They will know I exist in a second, when I fall out in the floor from a heart attack. Dr B comes to get me. I am playing checkers with J. I was trying to fool J into thinking I was fine. He knew….. I feel on edge today. I keep wondering why I am not running screaming from the room. I am, in my mind. I am meeting with the oncologist on Thursday and I haven’t heard any good news yet. Maybe tomorrow……. J is an Angel from Heaven…..I love that man. I am so glad to have J in my life. Married for 27 years and 26 of them have been Great! There was that one…… <back