Day 7 I thought I would die before noon. Waking at 4:30 with a feeling of things (cancer) moving under my skin everywhere. J was instantly awake. It’s kind of weird how he just sort of knows when I’m in trouble. So we had an impromptu spelling bee. He can’t spell xylem but, I can spell rhythm. You know this really is one people do not know how to spell. Daylight came and with it a sense of panic and lost hope. I went to church last night and the service was great. I prayed earnestly to God and felt He heard me. This morning I felt totally godless. I read my Bible and got even more depressed. I thought I would die before noon. I heard J on the phone and imagined he was calling my family to Nashville because he just knew. I didn’t believe him when he said he was talking to Jackie. He started cleaning the house….they were definitely on the way! I could barely walk. I began to tremble and was incredibly weak. I propped myself against the wall and weighed…ten pounds down in 5 days….Yup …I am out of here. I took a bath and couldn’t get out of the tub without gargantuan effort. Look at my face in the mirror. I look ten years older. Why am I so white? …the cancer has caught up. I pulled my jeans on (ten minutes there) and went outside to ponder my seconds left. J is still over there cleaning…now he is doing the windows! I am soooooo dead! J came outside and I told him we had to talk ASAP as I was dying before noon. I told him where I wanted to be buried….closed casket…whom to speak, and what songs to play. He is doubtful of my looming death (only 20 minutes left) and starts dialing cancer help lines. Oh well…the weekend…everyone out. Maybe that is a sign that cancer takes the weekend off too. I’m new at this so I really don’t know. I then called the Hotline for Gilda’s Club and they are out for the weekend as well. I wonder…am I the only one needing help today? Must be. I have got to get me out of this tailspin. I am shaking badly, but made it to the refrigerator…if I had a glass of orange juice maybe I could steady it.That worked pretty good….Could it be that I am starving? I discuss this possibility with J and promptly choke down four pieces of toast. Twenty minutes later I start feeling better…not good but better. It’s 12:30 and I lived past noon and will probably make the day. Tomorrow we begin again…to live. <back